don't copy nancy
She introduced herself with a smile as “an old fart” who came from the days of the landline, then she shared her a-ha moment.
In my recent masterclass on false urgency with the Heart Mind Institute (free recording available here), a meditator named Nancy spoke up.
She introduced herself with a smile as “an old fart” who came from the days of the landline, then she shared her a-ha moment:
Having this cellphone, there’s this urgency to respond immediately. I’ve become more aware. Now I’m like ‘No. This phones going away. It’s not running my life...’
She decided that she was only going to check it occasionally, sort of like checking voicemail. I was happy to hear the strategy landed for Nancy, but in my role as instructor for the whole group, I had to clarify something.
Everyone has their idea of how your relationship with technology should be. We’ve all read the posts: turn off your notifications, keep your phone out of the bedroom. These are fine tactics, but they might not be relevant for your life.
In the same way, the change Nancy landed on might be exactly right for her and not right for you at all. Nancy’s relationship with tech is genuinely unique to her. And your relationship with tech is genuinely unique to you.
Just because Nancy is putting her phone away, doesn’t mean you have to. Awareness is the key. Paying close attention to where tech is serving you and where it’s getting in the way empowers you to find your own approach.
To meditators, this should feel familiar, as the work here is the same as in other areas of life: to remember to notice.
Each day, we can ask: Where am I getting swamped by a false sense of urgency? Where am I trying to meet a real emotional need with a digital illusion? From there, we can make skillful changes that strengthen what we love about technology while limiting what gets in the way.
Nancy gave us a clean example of that, in her own voice, in real time. But when we hear her share, it would be a mistake to simply copy her tactic and put your phone away for only occasional checks too.
The strategies I teach are one level higher: noticing what your unique relationship with tech actually feels like, before, during, and after use, and using that insight to suss out your own way forward.
Here’s the link to watch in case you missed it: