front row seats to our fragility
“I would hate sitting in silent meditation for ten days. It would be so boring and frustrating. Are you allowed to bring your phone?”
This is what a friend of mine said when I told her how much time I’ve spent on silent meditation retreats. It’s a sentiment I’ve heard many times. I used to respond by talking about the benefits, but my answer to her was much simpler:
“You’re right. You would hate it, but you wouldn’t keep hating it for all ten days. Have you considered what might happen next?”
The same question applies to our Coronavirus quarantine. What’s going to happen next? What is quarantine going to feel like in a few weeks? My experience on retreats tells me that you’re going to have a choice; I suggest you take it very seriously. Because it’s a choice you’re going to have to make over and over again until this crisis passes.
My first long-term retreat was very uncomfortable and frustrating. But at some point, I saw the reality of the situation. Despite the soap opera in my mind, I was just sitting by myself in an empty room. The negativity I was experiencing was all in my head. I realized that - with a little space - I could choose how to respond to my own suffering. I could continue to spend my days complaining, or I could use the opportunity to understand myself better. From there, the real journey of mindfulness began.
As I write this, we’re finishing our second week of quarantine. In a way, it feels like we’ve all been forced into retreat. It’s not a silent retreat, so we turn to our screens. We follow the news, entertain ourselves, work from home, and connect online. But is this sustainable? It’s already starting to grow a little stale. As Michele Chaban shared in our recent conversation, it’s as if the earth caught us misbehaving and sent us all to our rooms. We’re grounded.
If you’re facing health concerns, I hope you recover quickly. I hope things return to normal for you as soon as possible. But for those of us lucky enough to be healthy right now, I wish you the complete opposite. As the situation evolves, I hope you explore the many ways in which things might not go back to normal. It’s not that COVID-19 is a good thing. It’s a disaster and I wish it weren’t happening. But it is happening. A think-tank in China recently published that post-pandemic, the Chinese people are more interested in financial responsibility, stronger relationships, spirituality and self-development. In some ways, crises bring out the best of humanity. We can seize this opportunity to evolve.
If mindfulness retreats have taught me anything, it’s that old habits take a little while to decay. We’re gonna binge Netflix, drink, and scroll through our phones for another week or two. But if the quarantine lasts months as many are projecting, things are going to change. The situation is going to worsen, isolation is going to get to us, and the negative emotions are going to bubble up. Our choice is in how we respond. You could dive into your old habits, complaining on Twitter, taking it out on your loved ones, burying yourself in work, or binging on your favourite vice. Or you could start work on a new normal for yourself, your family, your community, and the world.
—
If you’re overwhelmed with emotions, health issues, and a crushing economy, the last thing you need is someone telling you to do more. So I want to clarify: I’m not necessarily suggesting you do more. Maybe your new normal is to do less. Maybe your new normal is to do nothing. This could be your opportunity to be less productive, less efficient, or less ambitious. The world has been accelerating so fast, maybe this is your opportunity to slow down and give yourself space to breathe.
Or maybe you’re cash-strapped and unemployed and you don’t have that option. Maybe your new normal is to find a new way to make a living. You’ll need to take some time to grieve, but eventually, I hope you’re able to come to a place of exploration. You could train yourself in new skills. You could learn how to do your taxes and hopefully get a solid return on 2019. You could take an online course, or you could make an online course. Now that the restaurants are all closed, I hope some out-of-work chefs can teach us all how to make better food.
You could also emerge from this crisis with new habits. A flood of depressing COVID-19 news might finally be reason enough to limit how often you look at your feeds. If this situation has you triggered, the first step would be to limit your information diet. I’d say an hour a day at the absolute max. Ideally less. Use the extra time to take care of yourself, whether that means better nutrition, exercise, art or music.
It might help to transform your home into your monastery. That might sound weird, but all it really means is structuring your time and space to support the person you want to become. Maybe that’s an early morning meditation alarm or a calendar invite with yourself for intense focus. Maybe you can turn the office into an art space. Or you could try moving the beds all into one room and having slumber parties every night. You could repurpose your living room into a yoga studio, or clear out space for a dance floor in the basement. How would you redesign your home if you knew you couldn’t leave for a while?
One of my greatest hopes out of this crisis is a new normal for our relationships. Whoever coined the term ‘social distancing’ did us a great disservice. Even if we can’t get physically close to each other, we need social intimacy more than ever. Have you been calling people more? If not, I highly recommend it. This is an opportunity to connect more deeply through technology than we have in a long time. Trade your social media feeds and one-tap reactions with extended video calls. Remember how exciting it used to be to get a phone call out of the blue? Bring that back. Your friends are isolated too; they’ll be so glad to hear from you.
On the same vein, this time has given us a golden opportunity to deepen our relationships with the people we’re quarantined with. Whether it’s someone you’re dating, your spouse, your parents, or your kids. Why not learn to cook something new together? Or learn to sing a song? If you’re not in the mood for fun, try putting the screens away and make time for a daily heart-to-heart. Share what you’re feeling. Be vulnerable. Be together. Your new normal might be more quality time with people (or pets) you care about.
—
This pandemic has been a clear reminder that we’re not invincible. We’re getting a light introduction to what life-or-death emergencies can feel like. We’ve got front row seats to our fragility. This is a terrifying time, but also an incredible opportunity to transform. The new normal I’m hoping for extends far beyond our personal habits and relationships. For example, widespread support for improved healthcare infrastructure and more personnel would be a great silver lining of this disaster. Improved understanding and trust in science would be another one.
Speaking of scientific literacy, this situation is also quite relevant to climate change. We’ve become more aware of our shared humanity. We’re learning how actions taken by people on one side of the planet directly affect people on the other side. We’re realizing that global crises are real and they can affect all of us. We’re testing new waters of global cooperation. At the same time, we’re witnessing what life might be like with less cars on the road and less planes in the air. We’re seeing that it’s possible. Atmospheric nitrogen dioxide levels are falling. While we struggle with respiratory illnesses, the earth is breathing better than it has in a long time. I’m hoping we learn from this. I’m hoping we see a reduction in climate change denial and more support for eco-friendly, evidence-based policies.
And then, of course, there’s technology. You knew I was going to get here eventually. In this quarantine, the value of our tech is clearer than ever. Our connected screens are a lifeline in isolation. In the midst of this crisis, we’re seeing the very best of what tech can do for us in our personal and professional lives. We can live, work and play online. It might be tempting to admit full dependence on tech and abandon the pursuit of healthier screen time. You might think the whole idea of attention activism is moot in a fully remote world.
I disagree - our ability to manage our own attention is more relevant than ever. You’re locked inside with nothing else to do, yet 24 hour online engagement can still corrode your mental health and wellbeing. Especially if everywhere you turn - including here - people are digesting a global crisis. On top of that, our sedentary lifestyles are reaching their peak; it’s going to be that much harder to get active. Knowing when to unplug is more important than ever. Many are projecting this quarantine will last months - how will our minds and bodies respond? What happens when we give in fully to life online? What do we lose when our physical lives become secondary to virtual reality?
We’re all about to find out.
Jay Vidyarthi