romance on kindle (mimi bouchard, bt#9)

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Here is the ninth and final instalment in our ‘better tech’ interview series. I’m speaking with the wise, articulate and joyful Mimi Bouchard—creator of the Activations app and author of the newly-released Activate Your Future Self—about her skillful migration from social media to… romance novels!?

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JV: Hi Mimi! What is a personal favourite technology that you get a lot of joy, connection, or meaning from in your personal life? Not something that looks good on paper, but something that you actually love to use.

MB: I am addicted to romance novels on my Kindle. I will devour a crappy romance novel in 24 hours, and I love doing it on my Kindle because I can get books so easily. Especially since, here in the the Bahamas, there aren't that many bookstores and getting deliveries is hard.

Plus, unlike a printed book, I can stay up late reading my Kindle without a light on while my fiancé sleeps next to me and just devour these romance novels.

JV: With that soft little glowing light behind the e-ink that doesn’t bug your eyes out, right?

MB: Yeah! So that's my unpredictable digital love affair, I guess. Well, maybe a bit predictable. Oura Ring is the one that I would have said if I was being predictable and on-brand, but in reality? Yeah. My Kindle.

JV: Amazing. That’s a good distinction. We could be talking about the Oura Ring, but it’s important to know there’s also a Mimi out there who's devouring romance novels on the Kindle! So what draws you into that? What is the feeling that leads you to just say “I need this today” And whisk off to romance-land?

MB: It's like, I want to disassociate, but not in a way where my dopamine is going to get messed up from mindless scrolling. I don’t actually like doing that because it doesn't feel restorative. But if I binge-read a romance novel, I feel like it doesn't drain me like social media would.

It’s my escapism. You know, some people watch TV shows, some people play video games… I just love my romance novels because they let me escape into a completely different world, into a completely different story.

JV: The comparison with mindless scrolling is interesting to me. You're channelling an urge that many of us feel. We all sure are doing a lot of mindless scrolling these days. But you're harnessing that motivation in another way. Can you tell me more about that comparison?

MB: I guess the novels are less of a cheap dopamine hit. It's obviously more work reading an entire 300-page novel compared to scrolling and watching videos online, but you can still get into it.

I used to really struggle with Instagram and social media dopamine addiction, scrolling and watching these reels. But about 8-12 months ago, I deleted Instagram off my phone for a while. So now I only re-download it to post every quarter or so. I don't ever have it on my phone anymore because it was giving me this icky feeling. I'm really connected with my own energy and I just didn't feel like me when I was using it a lot.

But with my Kindle, reading is a good thing, right? I think I do take it a little far when I read the entire book in less than 24 hours because it's basically all I do on those days. But I love those days! So I don't care… it’s not every day, but once in a while, I'm going for it.

It gives me a bit of that escape, but the dopamine reward is a bit more drawn out. I think that’s why I don't feel like crap afterwards. I often will do this after a really long week and it helps me detach in a healthier way that leaves my energy intact.

JV: That's especially interesting coming from you. You've had a lot of engagement on your Instagram and I'm sure you've connected with a lot of people there. So it feels even more powerful to hear you talk about how you had to change your relationship with it. It must have been hard to step away from such an active social media account to the slow burn of romance novels.

MB: Absolutely. I had withdrawals the first month I deleted Instagram. I literally remember three weeks after deleting it, having this weird feeling in my body. I would open my phone and I'd go to where the app is supposed to be, and when it’s just not there, I’m left with this strange feeling.

It had been three whole weeks later, and I still felt off. But just sitting in nothingness was good for me. I had to sit in being okay, being bored for a minute. That is something that has absolutely changed my life. Not just deleting Instagram, but sitting in that feeling of still wanting it, and noticing that need for distraction.

When I was constantly picking up my phone and scrolling, I never had time to be bored or do nothing, and as it turns out, that's when really good ideas come to you. Now I know my dopamine levels are a lot more balanced because I can actually watch an episode of Game of Thrones and not get bored!

JV: *laughs* Totally. Like you know something's up when you're watching a show that incredible and you can’t enjoy it. Though, that last season felt a bit rushed. But still, yeah, I get you. You're literally watching this epic show and you can barely pay attention to it because you're running at this insanely high desire for stimulation.

MB: I actually just finished it for the second time.

JV: Oh, was it different the second time?

MB: Yeah, because I wasn’t scrolling the whole time! The first time I watched it five years ago, I only half-watched it. And I actually didn't even notice that it was basically the best show in the world. The first time around, I was on my phone half the time. And now that we finished it for the second time, I’m convinced: Game of Thrones is the best show that's ever been made.

JV: It was pretty amazing. It's obviously not appropriate to show my 6 year old, but I showed him a select scene of Daenerys arriving at that council meeting on her dragon and his jaw was on the floor!

MB: Oh, yeah, that was such a moment.

JV: Okay, for someone who might not use an e-reader, do you have any tips or advice on how to best make use of reading long-form fiction as a channel for some of these urges and desires?

MB: First of all, choose the right e-reader. I like the Kindle [Oasis] with the buttons on the side. So you can turn it and switch hands easily. And it gives you a little ridge to hold on to.

Also, make sure to check reviews to help you choose a book. I only ever buy books with really high reviews and over time you find authors you like. I've devoured every single one of Colleen Hoover's books. They're just so easy to read. It's like candy. You get so into it.

And then, especially if you’re migrating from a social media habit, remember that it takes a chapter or two to get into a new book. At the beginning, it's always a bit annoying because you don't care about these characters yet. So set an intention to at least get 20 pages deep before you decide if you like it. It's not the cheap dopamine that we're used to, but when you get into it, it can become just as satisfying.

And of course, put your phone far away. When you’re sitting down for a break, bring your e-reader to your cozy spot instead.

JV: You are someone who guides others to wellbeing. Someone who values mindfulness. So you’re also probably aware of the increasing problematic nature of technology in our society. What can we all learn about how to relate to tech when examining your pivot from Insta to Kindle?

MB: More than ever, we need to stay connected to how we’re feeling while using tech. Notice if you're feeling really numb… that’s how I felt… what I was doing on Instagram was making me feel so numb and making time pass so quickly.

At some point I decided that I wanted to feel the opposite of numb, which is alive. I wanted feel more present and I realized Insta was making me feel numb and un-present. It was tainting my energy for the rest of the day, even if I just scrolled for two minutes when I woke up.

That’s your meter to observe. Just feel it in your body: Do I feel numb right now, or do I feel alive? Tech is amazing when it makes you feel alive. If you’re consuming technology that makes you feel alive, great. Continue consuming that technology. But if it’s making you numb, you may want to reconsider.

Even when we’re working on our app — aliveness is our whole thing. I always tell the audio engineers to make sure that we’re using music that feels alive.

So yeah, connect with yourself, and use tech in a way that encourages those positive feelings. You don't have to do it all the time. It's not about perfection. But over time, lean more towards the things that make you feel alive.